i'm bored, alright?! i don't like being bored.. only boring people get bored.. i saw that, on, a thing.. taz said it!.. hmm..

i'm gonna do a new site one day, but i'm gonna get gcses out the way first. or should i say, gcse. not plural.. really.. maths. and foundation level at that.. but still, if i start doing a site now then i won't stop, and i will fail my exams.. hmm ;) so yes, after that i'm gonna take time out for me to recover and things, then go to college or something.. but in that time, i'll probably do lots of rubbish stuff, teach myself, things.. make a crappy website.. pester nick lots about stuff, dye my hair pink.. ;) hmm or maybe i'll save that for college.. humm :P

and i'll find a way to get rich, hmm..

i had a musical day yesterday.. i had tuition today after the holidays so really should have been doing some maths, but, well, y'know, i didn't want to.. mum was out shopping, i played my guitar a bit.. then i got my flute out and an old book, and played stuff.. suprising how long i lasted, and didn't faint at all! lol, it kinda brought back some memories, i haven't played it for so long!

oh and i platted my hair.. anyone who's spoken to me in the last couple of days know this, because for some reason i've told everyone.. god knows why, it's not exactly the most exciting thing ever.. but i was bored, my hair was manky, i platted it.. like all of it.. little tiny plats.. 28 of them... looked increadibly silly.. nick quite rightly said i should be shot ;) but then the result today, after taking them out, was rather scary.. sorta like a 9 year old going to a birthday party and crimping her hair before hand.. but worse.. but kinda cool when it's pulled back in a ponytail, cos it's like, a big.. feather duster or something.. hmm.. oh well, it shall be back to it's wonder and glory after being pantene'd.. ;)

is it wrong to want to keep in touch with someone over technology but not want to see them in person?

my ex.. y'know, that one.. was at his sister's today, testing her webcam. he knew i had one, so tested it on me. was weird seeing him but kinda nice in an odd way.. and talking to him online is different when i can see his expressions, cos he's the sorta person who just types.. without punctuation.. it's just words.. and words can mean so many different things, hmm.. but it was sorta fun.. then his sister wanted her computer back, he was texting me. we were talking about why he broke up with me, what happened next, and things.. he pretty much blamed everything on his ex. my friend. who i will hopefully see soon so may be able to find some things out.. but untill i hear her side, he will remain the arse who called me a slapper.. but also my ex, my ex boyfriend, who is capable of getting on with me.. i wouldn't mind just not ever talking to him, really, but when i do talk to him, i'd rather it was online.. he wants to 'be friends'. but the way we've been talking about it, it's like we'd have to arrange everything.. how a friendship would work. that's not how it works.. is it? it's not right.. if you're gonna be friends with someone, it'll happen. i didn't decide to be friends with any of my friends.. it just happened.. i talk to some people more than others, some i call real friends, some i don't really call anything, just, people i don't disslike at all, just don't talk to as much as some. aquaintencies? i can't spell that word but you know what i mean :P can't me and him just keep in contact sometimes? i mean, he knows i don't want to be friends with him cos i know that won't work. i mean i'd be a fool to trust him now. even if he has 'changed', he's said alot of things, and gone back on all of it. i can't trust someone like that. so he pretty much said i can either go and watch a film with him or something like that, or block him from msn and never talk to him.. so the last thing he said to me was 'whatever have a nice life' lol. GROW UP! i'm 16. he's 21. it shows! lol

oh i dunno, maybe it would be better if we just completely lost contact with eachother. but, it doesn't happen. i talk to his sister sometimes, but that's cos i like her, not cos she's his sister.. i'm friends with his ex.. how am i supposed to lose contact?

ya know, i really wouldn't mind just being friends with him, if i was older and more able to look after myself, not ill, and we didn't have a past. the first thing will happen, the second won't. but then i guess as time goes on, the past gets further away, and smaller. so i dunno, maybe, in the distant future. but then, how? i don't even like him.. but then i do.. there's this thing about him that kinda attracts me to him.. cheekiness.. we get on.. but when he wants us to get on.. if he doesn't, he'll make damn sure i don't like him.. but then there's memories.. not like millions of them but i saw his cheeky grin today on the webcam.. and he saw mine..

if we saw eachother now, it'd be a lil hug.. then a lil kiss.. there, that's not friends.. that's exs almost getting back together..

he says he has a new girlfriend, well good for him. if it's true. something tells me it's not but i don't really care.. see i've just learnt to not take everything, or hardly anything.. he says as the truth.. i'd wait to get a second oppinion if i could..

it's not a concious thing, he's just lost my trust too many times, it's finally sunk in that not doing anything about it really doesn't help..

i really am babbling on now aren't i.. but i mean, why can't he either grow up, or actually leave me alone? pah.. i like him. but there's a side of him that i really don't like. and then the side that i do, and they come together. is one worth the other? not if i manage to forget about it.

move on.