i'm back

ish

i've been ill and poorly and pooey and things in bed for the past week or so.. like really, left my room to go to the loo and stuff and that's it.. poor me! sympathy please ;)

i added that.. yeah so i'm copying everyone else.. so?! :P

not alot happens when you're stuck in bed really... hmm

ok, a few entries ago, the smilie one, god that was ages ago.. ok, well a certain someone rang me, it was just real nice to hear his voice.

then i think the week after or something, i was talking to someone else, was reminded of something, went and looked at it, and found something i really didn't want to find.. that made me kinda ill.. and the one person i really wanted to talk to about it was him.. the first him.. meh this is all confusing but i can't put names. i used to be able to just tell him anything. i miss that. actually, i did with this second him too, but that's not gonna happen again for a very long time.

we were such good friends. and that has to spoil it.

ditto for both hims. ..

ok.. him #1 is him him.. confused? my first everything. love mainly.

him #2 was a good friend. online yes but we did meet. one of the best friends i've ever had online.

i said one of

not the.

so i've been missing him#1 loads recently, driving myself almost actually insane looking at my phone to see if he texts me. every 5 seconds. it's not right..

we have been talking a bit tho, but he's usually got something better to do.. and not really having much to do with him, i don't exactly have the right to ask him why he's not replying sometimes. i just have to wait.

it's not even like i want to be back with him. i just miss talking to him.

he was a huge part of my life and that's not really gonna go away is it.

i want to see him.

not now, i'm not sure i could cope with it now. when i'm alot better and have more of a life. more stuff to talk about. so i don't sound like a desperate freak like i do now.

oh well..

clickie! feeeeeeelix! isn't he cute? he has a heart on his chest!