I had a brilliant day yesterday. it's so amazing just spending time with someone who actually gets you. it's like, i'll say something that anyone else would just look at me weirdly and say 'uh.. o..k.. freak..', and he'll laugh.. it's like we actually understand eachother, which is just weird! i've thought people have understood me before, but i feel so, myself, around him. and actually happy with being myself. i don't feel i have to be anyone else.

with the other two.. yeah he#1 was my first love and everything, first everything. it felt amazing to have someone. yeah we got on, really well. i was 14. i dunno, we'd probably still get on now.. i think we would. and he was so much more than him#2. HE, made me feel cheap. at first, i felt like a different person. but in a good way. i loved being around him some of the time, because it made me feel more like a teenage girl. but the good feelings i had just so weren't worth the crap i got from him. and anyway, i ended up wanting to be someone other than myself. it was shit.

but do i regret that?

no.

i learnt stuff from it, i don't regret anything.

and now? i'm me. i'm happy being me, and i don't want to be anyone else. being well would be nice but i'll get there in time.

and him.. i don't like calling him him, but i have a thing about putting names in here for some reason.. so, my boyfriend. hmm, i haven't called him that before, i should check that ;)

hmm

anyway

so yes, now, he's amazing. we get on so well, and both having M.E, sucks obviously, but we understand that we're both ill, so we're not gonna go and push eachother and get worse.

argh i hate distance.

*kills distance with a tray*

i miss him too much damnit. damnitdamndamn. *mumbles*