:D

she's lovely and wonderful and probably the best friend i have.

the sort of person i can imagine myself in an old people's home, complaning about the food, with..

kinda weird seeing as we've only actually seen eachother, uh, 3? times.. conf 2001, conf 2002, and when i stayed at hers between christmas and new year.. so yes, 3 times.. talking constantly online, insulting eachother, listening to eachother, telling eachother stuff, talking about, crap.. you know you've got a true friend when you really feel you can insult them. ;) actually i think she insults me more than i insult her, cos, i'm nice and she's not.. and she sucks at pool.. actually no, she's quite good.. i'm just, better. :P this is, pool on yahoo games.. slightly easier than the real thing, but we'll see who rocks at pool when she comes over ;) some time.. i live next door to a pub! did you know that? it rocks! okay so i don't go there too often.. it's just, nice to know it's there, waiting for me ;) okay so they know my boyfriend better than they know me in there, but that's cos he goes there, more than me.. and he goes to the bar and gets drinks.. (water for me.. so maybe they do remember me ;) ) and he goes and drops a glass.. nitwit ;) so yes, kat will come over, some time.. and, i will beat her at pool.. either that or lose with style ;) like pot the black, followed by the white, on the first shot.. that's funny..

right, so, my last entry. um, it's not something that will go completely.. not yet anyway.. that will stay with me for a long time.. but what i'm doing is accepting it rather than, not accepting it.. because at the moment that's all i can do. one day, before i die, it will be sorted out.. if not, then it'll be sorted out after i die..

this is weird, cos there's probably only one person reading this who actually knows what i'm on about.. there might be one other person in this world who would know too, or at least guess... but i very much doubt they read this.. (if you are that person btw, and you are reading this [duh], then, like, email me or text or phone or something! please?!) it's not like, that serious.. but when it's going round and round and round my head faster and faster and won't stop, it's not the best thing in the world when ya can't do anything about it..!

have you ever just let your mind go where ever it wanted to go? it's not an easy thing to try and do, but sometimes it just happens.. like when yer falling asleep or something.. it's weird.. well anyway, i was playing worms blast (came with my graphics card ;)) the other night before i wrote that entry, just not concentrating, cos all ya gotta do (on the game i was playing) is shoot blocks.. so i was winning, and this thing was just going round my mind.. like all the options i had to do something about it.. most of them were kinda, 'not right now' things.. ya know something i could do one day in like 10 years if and when i don't have many things to worry about.. and i might just do them! depends if it still matters then.. actually it probably won't quite as much as now, but, y'know... i hate the thought of living my life, and dying, before i get to do something about it..

okay i'm gonna stop now cos it's annoying, reading something that you have no idea what it is.. and probably aren't gonna find out..

do you like kettle chips? i ate two big bags of them last night.. pig.. and i'm underweight. how?!

shhhh... see i like being awake at this time, i get to be me.. even if it is only with the company of my computer.... what would be really great, is if i was well, to be like, out with people, at this time.. then people would get to know me.. they'd get to know the real me, or what there is of it.. instead of the quiet, polite (stop laughing!!), me.. okay so they'd probably be scared sh*tless of me, but hey, that would be their problem ;)

oh oh, i watched a, thing.. about the appleton sisters just now, and i have decided i want to be them. or, one of them.. not both, i don't think i could handle being two people... hmm.. or at least, have a sister. i've always wanted a sister.. i have 2 brothers, but they're half brothers, and they're like, old.. when i was born, they were 14 and 17.. now they're like, older.. they're great, but they live where i used to live, and that's not that close.. saw them one day before christmas, it was brilliant! i had them, and my boyfriend, and my (possible future)stepdad around me.. all my favorite blokes! not forgetting my 6 year old nephew ;) and my 1 year old niece, so cute! okay slightly off subject.. hmm.. oh yes, i want a sister. one fairly close to my age.. one that i get on well with.. one who knew me better than anyone else ever could.. they just seem so strong.. it's like, they bounce confidence off eachother.. i hate being an only child.. okay like i said i've got brothers, but they're more like uncles, or something.. i don't always hate it, it's good having my own space and stuff.. but like, i'm the only person who knows me..

i spoke to someone on the phone about a month ago, who i hadn't spoken to for over a year.. or at least on the phone.. net a lil, but when it's only the odd 'hello', a lil catch up, and then dissapear, it's not quite the same.. so we were talking for like, 2 hours, and i had forgotten how well they knew me.. it was like, there was a part of me that i hadn't seen for so long, and then it came back, and it still fitted.. if that makes any sense at all ;) it just made me realise how much of myself is with other people.. either that, or i spent so much time with this person that they became part of me.. hmm..

i think i'm making less sense now.. i'm gonna go to bed before i bore you senseless.. if you've even got this far.. and if you have, then well done ;) *claps*.. if you haven't, then you won't be reading this anyway, so *blows raspberrys* :P